A Summer Awakening
by Edward George
Summary: A soldier home from Vietnam faces more than just a battered field of dreams as he faces an uncertain future. His girl cousin is the only bright spot among the turmoil. He asks himself, Can one really feel like he's come home following two years of warfare?


A Summer Awakening

A soldier home from Vietnam faces more than just a battered field of dreams as he faces an uncertain future. His girl cousin is the only bright spot among the turmoil. He asks himself, Can one really feel like he's come home following two years of warfare?

1.

Ed Hanson stood just inside the concourse of the Philadelphia Airport leaning on the cane nervously looking around, glad to get off the plane. Looking for a friendly face he looked for his girlfriend Chris who was suppo **s** ed to meet him. Looking for anyone who was supposed to meet him today. Passengers still getting off the coast-to-coast flight from San Francisco to Philadelphia moved around him like water around a rock in a river.

Crowds, everywhere crowds of people. A never ending river of humanity surged around the lone soldier, a stranger in a strange land, a stranger in his own land.

Pulling the pilot's sunglasses off people who were looking at him quickly looked away hurrying on their way. A large white gauze patch covered his left eye the sunglasses hid otherwise. Putting the sunglasses back on to hide the eye patch he started toward the baggage claim area the cane thumping against the floor. Ed could not help but feel crowd of people around him. No one was touching him, yet there too many people. The Law of the Jungle: go for cover, assess your situation - act according to the situation. He had to get out of there – now.

People avoided him, some glanced at him seeing the forlorn expression, others not so friendly, some sympathetic, others unconcerned. Walking with the heavy steps of the war weary as if he was still carrying the sixty-five pound pack with the PRC25 radio and crypto gear on his back. The cane he was issued by the medics at the 93rd Evacuation Hospital on Long Binh set up an incessant tapping against the scuffed linoleum. He made it to the baggage claim area to pick up his duffle bag. Leaning heavily on the cane he patiently waited for the bag to come around one more time pulling it from the turn table. Walking out to the pickup area in front of the terminal he looked down near the door seeing a newspaper on the ground, July 29, 1970. It was? He lost all sense of time. The only way he knew when it was time to return to the states, the First Sergeant handed him the out processing papers and orders.

' _Fort Monmouth, New Jersey now there is an easy assignment. Where you're going no field duty, a nine to five duty day. Can't ask for anything better_.'

' _Thanks, Top_.' Picking up the orders he walked out of the orderly house with a limp the cane making a tapping sound on the wood floor. The doctors at 93rd Evac Hospital assured him he'd have a long and prosperous career ahead of him. He wasn't so sure now.

An old custodian was pushing a trash cart toward him picking up plastic bags full of trash from the containers and inserting a clean bag. Ed saw him and took a chance to ask him, "Excuse me, sir but what is today's date?"

The custodian stopped to look at Ed surprised by the obvious question. "Why its Thursday the thirty-first." He hesitated seeing the eye patch, and the uniform, said, "Why?"

"Just wondering. You lose all concept of time in the jungle."

"True," he said, watching after the soldier. "Jungles are like caves, you have no sense of time."

Ed limped across the front of the terminal toward the taxi stand and bus stop. He decided the bus would be cheaper. He didn't see Chris, Elaine, or his parents. Nobody to meet him. They all could not have forgotten what time he was arriving did they?

Sounds, sounds all around him in that moment. It was all he could do to control himself. He heard a thousand sounds no one else could, he heard weapons fire, the screams, the hollering, the crying of both enemy and friendly. The whining of the jets was the Air Force TAC Air he called to help get rid of the VC trying to encircle their position. The stuttering sound of helicopters, voices on public address system was the sound of voices over the radio. Sounds and scenes that he would live side-by-side with the rest of his life.

Leaning on the cane in front of the terminal Ed looked around for a moment. City busses and taxis were lined up nearby, each vying for a traveler's attention. A taxi driver saw him walking toward the busses called to him he was on-duty to take him wherever. He paid no attention to the driver. Limping toward the city bus to take the bus into the city to catch the bus home. It'd be a long ride but it would give him time to think about what he wanted to do. An old song he recalled just then, songs popularized by Bobby Vinton was so true in that moment, a tear ran down his face from under the sunglasses. 'Mr. Lonely - _I'm_ a _soldier, a lonely soldier_ **...'** and 'Coming Home Soldier - Home, I'm coming home ... Coming home from across the sea. Home, I'm coming home ...' No one, no friendly face to meet him. For the moment he wondered how he'd get home.

The bus which roamed through the parking area picking up and dropping people off at the terminal stopped close by. A girl's hand waved at him from the window. The door flopped open, a young girl in a white satin mini-skirt and light blue blouse, holding onto her white floppy straw hat with yellow ribbon, and white kangaroo bag jumped off the bus.

"Ed! Ed!" she called waving the bag dangerously swinging around. "Here…!"

Stopping, Ed turned stiffly as the girl a young brown eyed brunette beauty ran up to him. He dropped the duffle bag and cane, "Elaine! God – oh I am glad to see you ... !"

Grabbing the girl about the waist as she threw her arms around his neck pulling him down to her. Neither cared they were cousins they were just happy to see each other kissing long and passionately. Ed's cousin Elaine Carnoe was happy to have him back. He was happy she cared enough about him to come meet him at the airport.

"You're home. Oh, I love you …"

"I love you too…babe. God it's great to have you again."

They continued to kiss long and passionately almost missing the bus back to the parking lot area.

"Oh, the bus …!" Elaine said excited running to board the bus. "Come on!"

Grabbing the duffle bag Ed hobbled along the cane tapping the sidewalk the driver saw him in the side view mirror.

"Is he alright, Miss?" the driver asked looking back in the side view mirror at Ed.

Elaine had one foot on the steps looking back as Ed did his best to catch up to her.

"Oh! I didn't know…Wait." Elaine ran back to help Ed to the bus taking the duffle bag. Tears in her eyes seeing the cane she knew now he'd been injured in the war. "You sure you're alright, hone? I am sorry Ed I didn't know … you should have told me."

Looking up there was no missing the pained expression. "I'll make it. Thanks, babe."

The driver took the duffle bag from Ed as they reached the door. They boarded the bus the driver waved off Elaine as she was about to give him the change a second time.

"That's okay, Miss. Your boyfriend paid for it already."

Regarding Ed's bad leg Elaine was close to tears. The sunglasses, the cane, his hobble, his limp when walking. Climbing the steps Ed braced himself on the railings then dropped into the first seat they came to. They were the only ones on the bus that trip.

Elaine hugged up to him wrapping her arms about him in a possessive way.

Looking out the window as they entered the parking lot passing the multi-colored rows of cars and vans Ed asked, "So where is everybody?"

"My parents are busy with some multi-level marketing plan, yours, your Dad is gone on a business trip – as usual, your Mom doesn't like driving down here – and Chris? Who knows what her problem is lately?"

Looked away at the mention of her rival's name. _As far as I'm concerned, the bitch can_

 _go to hell and stay there._

At one point last year Elaine and his other girl cousin Monica were ready to put Chris on a Greyhound Bus with a one way ticket to 'no-where' just to see her leaving town. Elaine and Monica never understood what Ed saw in Chris in the first place. In their minds Chris had become the quintessential hippy-chick, love beards and all. Elaine glanced up at Ed hugging his arm. He looked down at her taking the sunglasses off again looking out the window. Elaine gasped sharply. The driver looked in the mirror to see what the problem was. He saw the eye patch. It was not unusual for him to have a wounded soldier or Marine on the bus. The young soldier's eye patch hidden by the sunglasses and the limp were nothing new for him to see.

Elaine pressed her face against his arm crying. ' _The undeserving bitch Chris who was supposed to be his girl could not even shake herself loose from her hippie friends to meet him_.' Looking out the opposite windows, Elaine considered, ' _If Chris doesn't want him, he's mine! So what if we're cousins – second or third, what difference does it make?_

 _So I'm stealing him from her, what does she care? Not a damn thing_.'

Chris was his girlfriend. They went to school together, he left for Vietnam, she cried when he left to report to Fort Lewis, Washington. Then were things beginning to fall apart between them? What happened? Chris wrote to him off and on until a couple months ago. Not counting his parents and Elaine's parents, he heard more from Elaine then Chris. The company mail man thought Elaine was his girlfriend.

The bus stopped at her car a white 1970 Ford Mustang Mach I Fastback 351C. They got off thanking the bus driver. Elaine opened the small trunk, Ed put the bag in the trunk. Elaine held the keys out to him. "Drive?"

Ed grinned. "Thanks cuz. Still trying to domesticate me."

"Hey – after all these years somebody has to do the job." She reached up kissing him pressing her small breasts against his chest. "Welcome home cuz, I missed you."

He looked back at the Mustang and said, "Mind if I drool on the fenders first."

Kissing him, she said in a breathy tone their lips less than a breath apart, "Only you."

Opening the door for her, Ed helped Elaine in then shuffled around to the other side of the car to get in. Opening the windows to air the car out they looked at each other for a moment then leaned toward each other kissing. Ed pulled her toward him his hand sliding across her small pert breast, the nipples pushing against the lace bra and blouse. In the back of his mind, Ed thought, ' _Chris who_?'

They reluctantly parted, Ed started the car and Elaine guided him out to the highway and back to New Jersey. Once Ed was clear of the city and into New Jersey. Elaine laid her hand on the console Ed held her hand while he drove savoring the satin feel. Despite the patch the driving proved okay. He wanted to be independent.

"Like when we were kids," he said sliding his hand along her legs when he was across the Delaware and clear of traffic.

"Mmm," Elaine hummed putting her head back against the head rest as she felt his hand slide under the skirt getting closer to her hips. "You never forgot."

"No. Truthfully I thought more about you then I did Chris."

A smile stole at the corners of Elaine's heart shaped mouth. She looked at her cousin then turning away she looked out the window at the passing scenes. They were quiet, Ed driving and thinking. Of all the girl cousins in the family he was closer to Elaine then any of the others – other than Monica who was in Florida now going to school at Florida State. He wished the situation were different, he'd marry Elaine in a heartbeat. She felt the same about him.

"Something to eat?" he asked her looking for an exit.

"That'd be good. The exit to Trenton is another mile."

Near Trenton he turned off the interstate driving a short distance to a diner where they had a late breakfast.

Elaine sipped her coffee until the meals arrived. Extending her hand across the table she took his hard hand in her soft one. "What are you going to do while you're home?"

Ed was silent for a moment twisting his cup around with the left hand. For the moment he saw the canteen cup filled with coffee, the steaming jungle the Ranger fire base near the Cambodian border. The recon team waiting for the Lieutenant's order to move out. The helicopter that flew him in from 44th Signal Battalion was waiting just beyond the berm for the team.

Elaine repeated the question. Ed looked up. "Sorry. The trip and change of time zones is making me tired. As soon as I get settled I need to make plans to the see the doctors at Walton Army Hospital at Fort Dix sometime before I go down to Fort Monmouth."

The meals were served. The waitress glanced at the sunglasses and cane wondering why the soldier didn't take them off. Cringing, she saw the edge of the bandage extending past the frame. Trying to smile for him she hurried to another customer.

Elaine did not miss the brief look of repugnance on the girl's face. "Let me suggest, Ed I'm on summer break. I finished my summer classes early so I can go with you to the hospital."

As he ate Ed nodded. "Thank you, cuz."

Looking up Ed gave her a sad look, Elaine seeing the sadness through the sun glasses tugged at her heart strings. Something bothered him. She wondered if it was that she was the only one to show up at the airport to meet him, even if she was delayed by traffic – but that made the meeting even more special for them.

They finished and paid Ed leaving a nice tip for the waitress. Ed thought he heard a sharp gasp from the dining area. They walked out to the parking lot, Ed felt the pain shoot up through his left leg as he walked bracing himself on the cane. At the car he helped Elaine in but not before leaning down to give her a kiss. She looked up at him a smile stole at her lips. Lifting her sunglasses she said, "Ed."

"Yes?"

"Come here."

Ed stepped back over to the open window, leaning down, Elaine put her arms out the window around his neck to give him a passionate kiss. "I love you, you know that?"

It was a love born of their long love and affection for one and other starting as kids. She was the sister he never had, he was the brother she never had.

Speechless and feeling at a loss for words he merely smiled. "Yes. I love you." Brushing his hands across her's he held her soft satin smooth hands in his a moment. Leaving the restaurant behind them they were soon headed north again. They stayed off the more heavily traveled highways. Elaine directed him along the back roads past Princeton and Washington's Crossing to Lambertville then Flemington.

They passed her house and was headed to his over the hill through the old tunnel of overhanging tree branches that seemed to go on forever but only for a short distance. Slowing as he topped the hill Ed remembered that last summer before getting that precious piece of paper from the State that said he was of legal driving age. Even though he was dating Chris he was confused by the feelings he held for his cousin. Sitting atop the hill on their bikes they looked down at his house and their neighbor not far away. Half way down the hill Ed swung to the right along an old tractor path leading Elaine to a secluded area deep in the bordering woods. Leaning their bikes against a tree they walked back to the spring that ran through the grove and a grass glade. They spent the afternoon in their own world of love for each other.

Then the day came when he finally got his first car, a used one but his nevertheless. They could see the car from their favorite place, the top of the hill overlooking the house and barns.

"When you get your car running, Ed will you take me for a ride?" Elaine asked shyly.

"You'll be the first."

She leaned over to kiss him then they started down the hill turning in the driveway. Even then he remembered her kisses as soft and sweet, a feather on his cheek. Sometimes their lips met, soft, sweet, cool to the touch.

He was home. But the thought that came to him was, ' _Now will I ever truly be home?_ '

Pulling in the driveway he stopped in front of the garage where his sapphire blue Pontiac GTO was parked on floor jacks. The engine had new oil put in before he left, the car was on jacks the tires taken off and stored. Staring at the garage although it was in a cocoon of canvas he could see the car, it would not take long or much work to get it operational again. Still sitting on floor jacks it seemed to welcome him home. Once he put the tires on they could travel again like they used to. Elaine watched the expression on his face staring at the garage. The expression of expectation told her a lot.

"The car is still there, hone still waiting for you to come home like I did."

Reaching over for her hand he gave it a gentle squeeze. "Thank you. You don't know what that meant to me today."

2.

"Aunt Olivia!" Elaine called out as they entered the house through the kitchen door. "Look who I brought home."

Olivia looked out to the kitchen as Elaine leading Ed walked into the living room. Leaning on the cane he pulled the sun glasses off Olivia screamed. "My god what happened?"

Olivia stood tears came to her eyes going to her son to hug him. "What happen?"

"Shrapnel from a mortar round."

Elaine did not want to ask on the drive up from Philadelphia. Now she knew. Tears welled up in her eyes as Olivia hugged her son.

"Dad's in Virginia on company business," Olivia said pushing away from Ed. "He's supposed to be home by this Friday."

Ed and Elaine sat on the sofa, Olivia resumed her seat on her favorite over stuffed easy chair the television background noise, the show momentarily forgotten.

Olivia asked concerned. "So what is the Army going to do about your eye?"

"I have to report to Walton Medical Center for treatment and possibly another operation to correct the retina. Other than that, I'll have to wait until I see the optometrist and surgeon."

"When do you go down to this hospital?"

"Next week. But first I need to get the GTO back on the road to do that."

"I'll help," Elaine quickly spoke up.

Ed laughed hugging his cousin. Olivia always knew they were inseparable and that was the cause of some problems in the family. Elaine was in a jealous mood Ed's senior year of high school he was dating Chris and took her to the prom. She was even more incised when he was writing Chris from training and in Vietnam yet she was running around on him, plus her anti-war activates. Nevertheless, he was blind to all this remaining true to her, and she was laughing behind his back. The only bright spot Ed had to look forward to that year were the constant flow of letters from Elaine which became bit by bit more intimate. He was lucky if in that year he got two letters a month from Chris claiming she was always busy. Elaine knew better. Over time Ed was growing closer to Elaine.

"Well I'm going to get changed and see what needs to be done to the GTO."

"I'm going to change too." Elaine stood sliding her hand across his face. "I'll help you."

Olivia gave her son another kiss then he disappeared up stairs. Elaine went out to her car to retrieve an overnight bag from the trunk then went upstairs to change in Olivia and Ed Sr.'s room.

Stopping at Ed's room she looked in on him.

Standing at the bed Ed held the uniform jacket in his hand starting to throw it on the bed.

" _Ed!_ " Ed head the voice of his mother calling to him many times when he was a kid. " _Don't throw your clothes on the bed - hang them up!_ "

" _Yes mother!_ " he yelled back picking up the clothes he'd thrown on the bed hanging them in the closet.

He stood at the dresser staring at his face and the gauze and bandage covering his eye. Staring intently at himself, the scene came back, the intensity of the fire fight, the sounds of the dead and dying. The sounds were there, would always be there, the smoke from the fires, the smell of the cordite, the explosions. It still nauseated him just to think about it. The fear was real filling his whole being that afternoon. All he could do was remain calm as he called for TAC air (Tactical Air Command) support.

" _I was on the ground hugging the radio and crypto gear with my body. Shrapnel, bullets, RPG's flying around as I called for TAC air support. Then it happened. The sliver of a mortar or RPG in the eye… the searing pain, worse than a burn. I rolled over covering my eye. The blood oozing out from my fingers. Somebody was at my side covering the eye with gauze telling me the fire fight was over the slick would be there to take me to the 93_ _rd_ _Evac._ "

A hand touched his shoulder. Ed flinched. Grabbing the hand he looked back sharply. Elaine looked up at him her face white with fright.

"You move fast. You alright?"

Ed turned taking her in his arms. "Sorry, hone. Habit now. Don't touch me on the shoulder or back like that. Call to get my attention."

"I've got to remember that."

Neither heard the soft foot falls nor saw Olivia come upstairs. She stopped at Ed's bedroom door looking in to see them arm in arm, kissing. She backed away slipping back down stairs. They were engrossed in their own world of love.

"Let's change." Elaine gave Ed another kiss closing the door as she left.

A half hour later the two descended the stairs together the _thump_ - _thump_ of the cane on the steps. Olivia looked up at them as they started to leave. "Where you off to, Ed?" she asked looking up from the TV.

Ed appeared just as he did in high school, jeans, a T-shirt and black loafers. Elaine, like a teen-ager, a scarf around her dark silken hair,

"Somerville," Elaine called to Olivia. "But first I need to change his eye patch." She pointed to a chair. "Sit."

Ed and Elaine walked into the kitchen Elaine had the tape and gauze. She was no stranger to Olivia's questions, nothing had changed in the three years since he left home for the Army the incessant questions were only put on hold.

Ed sighed. It got wearing sometimes. "Check the car out and probably go to Somerville to Pep Boys for the oil and stuff I need to get the car ready for when I have to go to Fort Dix next week." However, ' _How Dad has put up with it all these years I'll never know? Must have been good sex in the early years._ '

Ed sat as Elaine took out the gauze the medics gave him in Oakland for his eye.

"You know you can get oil at Havre's mower shop on the highway?" said Olivia still watching the show on television.

Olivia looked in on them glad Elaine had the stomach to change the bandage. His eye was still red and blood shot appearing, not appearing too good. Elaine had it changed, Ed kissed her putting the sun glasses back on.

Ed glanced up at Elaine. He went to school with the Haver twins, the brothers went in the Air Force. Tame enough for them he guessed. Elaine shrugged her shoulders.

"They're small engines, Mom. I need oil for a high a performance engine with a Rochester Quadrajet four-barrel carburetor loaded on top of a line 389. Not a four stroke lawn mower engine."

"I don't know anything about that. All I know is they're closer than Somerville." She had no interest in cars or engines. As far as Ed was concerned she was lucky to know where to put the key and gas pump nozzle.

Elaine held her fingers to her lips as he put the sun glasses back on. She shook her head whispering, "Don't say anything." Elaine nudged Ed toward the door. "Let's go before you get yourself in trouble." She got Ed out the door. "'Bye Aunt Olivia."

"`Bye."

Elaine tossed Ed the keys to the Mustang again. Within a couple minutes they were out of the driveway slewing gravel and down the road, Elaine extended her hand to Ed.

"This is what I like," she said as they held hands her long brunette hair blowing back in undulating waves in the wind from the open windows.

They drove down Pulaski Road out to Route 22 passing Chris' house. Elaine's jaw muscles tensed as they passed the house. Ed reminded himself not to say anything or glance over to the house to see if Chris was around or even if her car was in the driveway.

Ed pulled to the intersection with the highway. Checking traffic he said, "Take it easy, hone. No use getting yourself all up tight over this." Looking behind him, so one was there, he said to Elaine, "Let's keep this a good occasion. You and I can have a great time together."

After today he all but gave up on Chris. He wondered what it would have been like if she did stay true to him but for how long? Despite them being cousins, in the last couple months, again Ed had grown closer to Elaine, he was heeling strongly toward her. Intimate gestures, words, glances were bringing back those days before Chris entered his life.

Elaine leaned toward him. "Sorry, cuz. She just gets me up tight is all. Don't mean to make an issue of it and spoil today."

"Look, cuz – it's just you and me now. The rest don't count." He kissed her again the honking of a car horn behind him made Ed look back. "Oops."

Elaine giggled. "Not paying attention again."

Checking traffic again Ed dumped the clutch laying a patch of rubber up the highway speed shifting. He slowed to the speed limit checking behind him. "Nope no cops."

Elaine waited until Ed was back to cruising speed "I don't want you to get mad, Ed, you've poured your heart and soul out to her since high school and got nothing in return."

Ed was silent for a minute thinking of all the time wasted. He held his hand out to Elaine again feeling the smoothness resting lightly in the palm of his hand. Giving her hand a light squeeze he rested both hands on the steering wheel.

"Let's put this behind us. No use thinking about it anymore." In the short time he was home Chris was drifting to the back of his mind. There was no use dwelling on time lost, he considered it a lesson learned – albeit, the hard way.

"True." But Elaine knew her impetuous cousin. She may have only seen him twice in the thirty days during those three years, she wrote to him every chance she had. Now going to college she had even less time and when she did, she made up for the lost time. But when they were home for the holidays she assured they would be together. There were a couple times they became very intimate with each other.

First things first, stopping at the insurance agent on the highway he changed the insurance on the GTO plus he added Elaine to the policy.

Ed still remembered the way to Somerville and the Pep Boys store in the mid-town area. Hand in hand they skipped across the street to the store from where they parked. They entered the store, Elaine grabbed a cart following Ed first to the shelves of oil.

Leaning on the cart Elaine watched Ed read the labels of every can he picked up until he was satisfied he had the right type of oil. He placed five quarts in the cart and two gallons of engine flush to clean the engine out. Picking up a couple extra items and tools Ed paid for them and headed home.

"First things first," said Ed lifting the tarp to look under it, "take the tarp off very carefully."

Looking under the tarp with Ed she saw the old bed sheets that Olivia gave him to protect the car's finish from scratches and weathering even in the garage.

"Careful, hone. Even if it's been in the garage for the past couple years you never know what could have crawled in here looking for a warm dry place to take a break."

Elaine looked uncertain whether to lift her part of the tarp or not. "Such as?"

"Spiders."

"Uggh!" Elaine dropped her part of the tarp running to the door waving her hands and shaking her shoulders as if shaking a bug off. She turned pointing to the tarp. "You lift it off then."

Folding her arms about her chest she shivered watching Ed looking under the tarp where he put his hands. "Just a little bug, hone."

Little bug hell. They bite."

Laughing Ed carefully lifted the tarp off the sheets, the sheets falling off with it. He looked the tarp over carefully taking the wrinkles out to check the folds. He found a couple spiders concealed in the folds. Stepping on them he gestured to the tarp.

"Okay, I'll show you how to fold it." She hesitated then carefully walked over to the pile of canvas and bed sheets.

"I hate to say it, cuz but I hate spiders."

Ed wanted to say something but refrained. He didn't want her running for the house screaming bloody murder like when they were kids. It was an hour before she would venture out the door.

Everything was folded up and stored on the side. He opened the hood looking the engine over. Using a stick he cleared out a couple more spider webs. Looking up he saw Elaine standing by the door again, ready to run to the house.

However, they soon got busy on the car, the cane resting against the wall. Olivia looked out from the kitchen door to see Elaine busy vacuuming the car while Ed started the oil draining. He changed the spark plugs and air filter and did a new tune up on the engine.

Watching them she saw Elaine bump Ed with her hips. Despite the oil and grease he put his arm around her. In the short time he was home from Vietnam Elaine and Ed were intimate with each other again. In her mind he should be seeing Chris not his own cousin. It was okay for them to be close, like brother and sister when they were younger but they should be seeing other people.

It was evening when they finished with the GTO collapsing on an old car seat used like a sofa. The tires were back on the car and off the floor jacks and ready to go. Sitting arm in arm her head resting on his shoulder. They were more than cousins, they were secret lovers once more.

"Go for a spin?" he asked her.

"Lets." She stood. She had grease and oil on her. Looking at Ed, he looked like he had taken a bath in the oil. "I need to change and take a shower."

"Me too. Pick you up in an hour."

They kissed as they parted.

Entering the house by the back door through the kitchen the cane making its rhythmic thumping as he walked starting for the stairs. Olivia stopped him.

"Ed I need to say something to you."

Stopping before he started up the stairs Ed looked in to the living room at his mother. Glancing at the television she was watching some sitcom not looking up at him. One thing he learned a long time ago, she had her way of ignoring a person without them realizing it.

"Yeah, Mom?"

"Aren't you and Elaine getting a bit close? I know you are cousins but it's not like you are kids anymore. Even third cousins is inappropriate."

Ed had to think a minute. The question caught him off guard. He though he was in the jungle again and just walked into an ambush.

"So what brought this up all of a sudden?" Ed asked walking in to the living room.

"I saw you two upstairs getting rather close and now out in the garage."

Ed had to think of a good answer quick. He said firmly, "Well Mom if you haven't noticed I've been gone for the past three years and when was the last time I was home? She is happy – despite this…" he pointed to his bad eye, "I at least came back in one piece."

Olivia looked up at him. "Still it is not right. You are related through blood."

Ed knew it would become a needless argument with his mother. He turned to go upstairs to shower and change.

Elaine pulled a T-shirt on her mother standing in the door of the room watching her daughter getting ready to go out with Ed.

"You're going to let your hair down tonight?" Miriam said watching her with a smile.

"Yes I am tired of playing book-worm for a while. Beside, Chris hasn't made an effort to contact him and we're going to celebrate his home coming."

"I thought Olivia had a big family barbeque planned for this weekend?"

"Could be, she seemed in a sour mood when I was there." Elaine fluffed her hair out letting it fall straight then put on a new kerchief. Picking up her sunglasses she said, "Oh – something you need to know Mom, Ed was injured in his left eye with a bomb fragment. He has to wear sunglasses for awhile and he has a bad leg. He has to go down to Fort Dix next week for an appointment at the hospital and I am going with him in case he can't drive."

"How bad is it? I didn't know."

"Bad. He doesn't want to talk about it." Elaine kissed her mother good night went down stairs kissed her father good night opened the front door just as Ed stepped up the steps to the door.

They kissed then headed out too.

"How does the GTO run now?" she asked getting in the car Ed holding the door.

"Better than a Swiss watch."

3.

They walked in to a thick fog of cigarette and cigar smoke hanging about the bar room, the maelstrom of voices and music was over ridden by the voices, clanging of glasses, the smell of freshly baked pizzas and hamburgers. The old Union Hotel was the town's second home away from home.

Hesitating inside the door, his back stiff, hands stiff, eyes scanning the crowd, suspicious. Ed knew he would have to overcome his mistrust of crowds now that he was home, his family, friends, literally starting over again with everyone.

"Ed! Hey guys, Ed's home!" the voice of Marty Hamilton could be heard above everyone in the bar.

Elaine realized Ed was comfortable around people he knew, old friends, many who had been in the service and served in Viet Nam as he did. As long as she was with him that night he was alright he could reach over to touch her hand he knew she was there for him.

Marty stood stopping Ed with his hand out seeing Ed with the cane and sunglasses. He wanted to ask where Chris was but decided with Elaine there not too. He was too familiar with Elaine's jealousy of Chris. Watching Elaine with Ed he saw her possessiveness.

"Fine." Two guys quickly cleared off two bar stools for them. Ed held his hand up to the barmaid, "Two tall ones, please."

Marty pointed to Ed and Elaine then his pile of money for her to take the first round from his change. Two bottles of beer and glasses appeared before them. With the dexterity of a juggler the bar maid poured the two bottles of beer and subtracted the amount from Marty's money.

Marty looked up at the sunglasses again. Elaine propped hers on top of her head. He suspected why Ed was wearing the glasses in the dark bar. The group of friends knew he had been injured in action somewhere. Marty and Steve Patrick were itching to ask Ed where Chris was but with Elaine there they did not.

Ed and Elaine made the rounds of the bar, they didn't have to buy drinks that night. They finally made it into the dining room for the long awaited pizza they wanted – the pizza supreme with everything but pineapple and anchovies.

Passing the money to the waitress she said, "That's alight, Ed it's already been paid for."

"You're kidding?"

"I don't know just some guy paid for it."

Ed shrugged. They each took a piece and began eating. They had not eaten since they stopped for something to eat at ten o'clock that morning. Elaine watched her cousin with care, he already had eight beers under his belt and one more setting in front of him. He was feeling no pain.

Waving her hand in front of his face, Elaine looked at her cousin. "You okay, Ed?"

The waitress peered out from the kitchen at the two. She could not help but laugh. She knew his father was gone on corporate business otherwise he'd be down there with the rest of them and the two would close the bar tomorrow morning at two a.m.

"Come Ed, time to go." Elaine stood to help Ed stand up taking the cane. She shook her head. Seeing the waitress she nodded to her. "Here you hold him up and I'll get the keys to the car. I'm not into hotwiring cars tonight."

"Glad to help. By the way, what'll he say when he finds out you drove his car."

Elaine smiled a wicked smile. "He better not. I'll tell his mother and run like hell."

The waitress supporting him Elaine dug into his pocket for the key. "Got it." Elaine put the key in her pocket and the two women half carried, held and dragged Ed out to the car.

"I've watched enough guys stagger out of here but few carried out."

"This is his first night home and doesn't need the cops picking him up for drunk driving."

Between the two women they got Ed out to the car and they literally poured him in to the car. A police officer parked near the old town bus station watched as Ed was put in the car; more like poured. Elaine nodded her satisfaction, the waitress waved bye and returned inside.

Late the next morning Ed awoke. Sitting up on the sofa the blanket falling to the floor he looked around then realized he was at Elaine's house.

"Good afternoon, sunshine."

Ed found the sunglasses. Putting the glasses on he looked up smiling at Elaine. "Oh. Hi. `Morning." Feeling no pain he tried to deal with the hang over. "How did I get here?"

"You don't remember?" she asked hands on hips staring down at him. "Another three hours you and a few others could have helped close the bar."

Elaine's mother, Miriam brought in a bowl of warm water, wash cloth and towel, and fresh gauze and surgical tape.

Ed shook his head. "No. What did we do anyway?"

Elaine looked at her mother as she set everything on the coffee table. "He was in worse shape than he remembers."

Ed looked up at Elaine, she was still in her night gown, a nearly translucent material he swore he could see her exquisite figure through the filmy material.

Carefully taking the gauze and tape off she moistened a wash cloth dabbing at the puss around his eye. Miriam closed her eyes turning away not looking at his injured eye. She didn't think she could handle tending to it like Elaine did. Elaine did it out of love for Ed.

Taking a fresh 4x4 inch square of gauze she laid it in place then applied the strips of the tape. "Now, why don't you go home get cleaned up and I'll meet you later?"

Standing on shaky legs he kissed Elaine in front of her mother. Staggering out the door with the cane he got in the GTO starting the engine he looked at Elaine standing in the door waving to him. Ed waved back with a broad grin. Elaine produced a near perfect silhouette Ed could see her through her the flimsy linen gown.

"Elaine, I want to ask you something." Miriam sitting on the arm of a chair studying her daughter a moment.

Closing the screen door standing with her back to it Elaine said, "Yes Mom?"

"How many drinks did you have last night?"

Elaine thought then said, "Oh about four or five. Why?"

"I don't know if you were just aware of it, but Ed could see though your night gown with no trouble."

Ed arrived home but went straight to his room falling asleep again within minutes of walking in the door.

There was a sharp knock on the door and the door was thrust open.

"Where have you been all night?" Olivia standing in the door woke him up.

"Huh? What?" Ed sat up glaring at his mother. "What are you writing a book on my life?"

"Don't get smart with me, young man. I just wanted to know." Olivia and Ed traded sharp glares then she said, "I bet you were out half the night with your cousin."

Ed said with a low strident tone, "Excuse me, Mom but we were at the Union Hotel bar with old friends of ours from high school. And if you're really collecting information for the FBI, Elaine and Miriam put me up for the night on their sofa."

Olivia turned in a huff leaving the door open to the room.

Throwing the covers off, he said, "What the hell. I'm awake now…"

Elaine anticipated Ed falling asleep again when he got home. She drove down to Bishops new market off the highway to pick up some things for her mother. Walking around the corner of a shelf she met Chris.

"Hello, Chris." The words were edged with a tartness Elaine did not hide from the other.

Chris stopped looking back she saw Elaine pushing a shopping cart full of groceries in to the aisle she was in. "Oh, hello Elaine."

"You know Ed got back from Vietnam yesterday?"

"Oh, I thought he was coming in next week. I was at an anti-war rally yesterday." She smiled pushing the cart into another aisle.

"Did you know he nearly lost his left eye in combat?" Elaine said watching Chris' back tense stopping, she looked back at Elaine with concern.

"No. I didn't hear anything about it."

"I picked him up from the airport yesterday. Actually he's not doing too well. He's dealing with a leg injury too that's not healing right."

"Oh maybe I should stop over to see him then," She turned to continue pushing the cart along the aisle.

Elaine looked after her with a dark glare. She would like to be the proverbial fly on the wall to see if she showed up or not. She never did.

That afternoon after Elaine got done with the shopping, Ed and Elaine ventured in to the back of the property to escape Olivia's probing eyes. They lay along the banks of the old mill stream the water burbling over the rocks and into the languid pools then tumbling down the rapids to other pools further downstream.

"I'm not looking forward to this weekend," Ed said staring at the lush green tree branches above him. The green reminded him too much of the green of the Vietnam jungles, a good place for a sniper to hide. At first Elaine had to coax him away from the house. She knew Chris could never patiently work with him like she was doing.

 _"_ _Come on, hone. There is nothing to be afraid of."_

 _"_ _Those woods reminds me too much of Ta Ninh Province."_

 _"_ _Hone this is not Ta Ninh Province. This isn't wherever."_ She coaxed and softly pleaded with him until he gave in.

Walking with his eyes in constant motion, looking, cautious, probing. Elaine watched him carefully knowing too well he may be out of the jungle, but the jungle was not out of him. It would be a long time before he was over the paranoia of closed places and forests.

Olivia looked out the kitchen window frowning at them. In her mind Ed would just have to get over his sense of paranoia and get on with life. To her his sudden paranoia of the bordering woods was just a put on.

Elaine knew it would be a long time before he would ever get over the feeling of suspicion. At least this assignment to Fort Monmouth would allow him to "unwind" and find the peace to relax and find "himself".

He took Elaine's hand letting her lead him to the path that led in to the back and across the small brook into the bordering fields. She watched his facial expression closely the farther they walked, Ed using the cane to knock stones out of the way.

Elaine lay across his chest. His T-shirt off, her own T-shirt off, just her flower patterned bra still on. This is the way they did those years before he went in the Army and she went to college. "It's only for a few hours, I sure you can deal with the other cousins for a few hours."

Lifting his head to look at her with amusement. "Ha! You haven't heard what Mom has cooked up for those of us cousins in the service – have you?"

Elaine shook her head. "Why? A dozy?"

"That's not the word for it. Anyway …" Elaine got the idea. She's sure she'd heard a variation of it somewhere. "All of us in the service she wants us in uniform that includes Cousin Helen in the Navy!"

Sitting up, Elaine was incredulous at the idea. "Excuse my French, German, and lousy Spanish – is she nuts? It's supposed to be in the high seventies that day."

"I think so. Coincidentally we're all going to be home on leave at the same time. That's one of her reasons." He wagged his fingers making quotation marks in the air. '… it'll look nice.'"

Laying her head back on Ed's chest Elaine said softly, "Glad she thinks so."

The two kissed long and passionately. Elaine said, "You know Fort Monmouth isn't that far from Princeton."

"Suggesting something?"

"Moving in together." Elaine briefly held her breath but she knew Ed would jump at the chance.

Their lips mere inches from each other, He smiled. "Let's…"

Elaine with Olivia and her mother stood on the front lawn after a short supper watching the car with Ed Senior, her father and Ed Junior disappear over the hill toward town. Before Steve left Elaine changed the gauze and tape. No one wanted to watch. When she finished they gave each other a quick kiss.

"And watch your drinking tonight," she whispered in his ear nipping the ear lobe. "And that is something to remember me by."

Ed Senior impatiently jerked his head toward the door, Ed and Uncle Walt followed.

"If they come home drunk like three skunks I'll have no sympathy for them," Elaine said walking to her car. "Come on, Mom."

Olivia shook her head walking back to the house. "Three of a kind."

With the aid of his cane Ed walked in to the Union Hotel ahead of his father and uncle. For a Friday the bar was busy with it usual assortment of customers. Looking to his left he saw Marty Hamilton, the Haver twins, Dennis and David seated beside Marty.

Lifting his hand to Ed Sr. Dennis Haver leaned to Marty, "What happened to Ed?"

"Wrong place, wrong time, wrong VC mortar round had his name on it."

"Geeze." Dennis stood holding his hand out to Ed. "Welcome back, Ed."

Before Ed sat down a glass of beer was set in front of him.

"Thanks. What …?" he looked up ready to lay a twenty down the bar maid shook her head.

The bar maid, Betty said, "On the house, Ed. We might see you every three years – if we're lucky."

"You staying in?" David Haver asked taking drink of his beer. Setting the glass on the bar he pointed to the empty glass. "Another."

"So how long you home for this time?" David asked tossing down a shot glass of whiskey with his beer.

"Yeah the end of the month then I go to Fort Monmouth."

"That must be nice. That's gotta be a country club assignment. We got stuck at some hell hole place in Alaska."

"Try Tule, Greenland," said Marty with a laugh.

Betty drifted away to take care of a couple new customers.

The old friends talked until Steve Senior decided to leave. He drove home, he was the soberest of the three. He was lucky the cop on duty near the Union Hotel was too busy writing up someone else for a DUI to pay attention to them.

The sound of Ed's cane preceded him downstairs, the _thump-thump_ now a familiar sound in the house. Turning into the kitchen he began searching the cupboards for cereal – anything. He found a container of oatmeal. 'Better than nothing I suppose.'

Looking around the kitchen he remembered where his mother stored the pots and pans. Finding a pot that was small enough to make a bowl of oat meal he began the process of making himself a breakfast.

The screen door to the back kitchen door banged open as Olivia stepped in. "Good. When you get done there I need help outside setting the tables up. Your father and uncle took off of course. Miriam and Elaine will be here shortly."

"Right. Let me get this down first." The oatmeal started boiling. He turned the gas off pouring the oatmeal into a bowl with a hunk of butter, milk and brown sugar.

He knew now he was home, Dad and Walt would have a third drinking partner on the

weekends. But he knew Elaine would definitely have other plans in mind and she'd make sure that did not happen.

He ate as quickly as possible, as he finished he reflected that was not his normal style, to eat as fast as he did. That's just the way he did when in `Nam, one eye on your food and one eye to your surroundings.

Finishing he hobbled outside. "What do you need done?"

Grumbling that she had been at this since six o'clock. "I need to move these tables under the tree for shade."

Ed could not help lock gazes with his mother across the picnic table. "You want early, Mom?"

"Why, what's early?" she snapped opening a table cloth trying to take the wrinkles out of the damask cloth.

"Zero-three hundred stand to, zero-four roll out the gate and engage the VC by sun up and be back to the fire base in time for breakfast."

He turned to go back inside. He still suffered a hangover. " _This is what it feels like to be an alcoholic? Man I'd make a lousy alcoholic if that's the case."_

Olivia called to his back as he was going into the kitchen, "I notice you didn't invite Chris."

He called over his shoulder, "She's too busy with her anti-war protests and hippy friends to care."

Ed did not see the acrid expression on her face. She knew the two girls he would be around the most Elaine and Helen. Eileen was still too young for him. She never understood that he always had an affinity for his girl cousins. Then, Chris seemed to be another matter.

Ed looked at the time as he got himself ready. It was time for the gathering of the Hanson and Carno clans. He was lacing his boots there was a brief knock at the door.

"Ed?" the voice of Elaine called, "You decent?"

"Yeah come on in, Elaine."

The door opened she walked in stopping to admire her cousin in his Army dress green uniform. The boots were shined to a high gloss Elaine could use them for a mirror. Ed looked up at Elaine then the short green and white print sun dress. In his mind he suddenly felt passionate toward his cousin. She was all girl to him. But he knew he would not want to do anything, his mother would go nuts.

Admiring the jacket with its array of awards and decorations, the insignias and patches Elaine glanced back at him. The awards and decorations told her he had done more in the Army then he talked about.

"Has the eye patch been changed this morning?" she said walking over putting her fingers under his chin lifting his chin so she could look at eye.

"No." Their eyes met for a few seconds.

Sighing she went to the bath room for a wet wash cloth. She took the gauze and tape Elaine sat him down on the bed taking the used patch off. There was a brief knock at the door than Eileen and Susan walked in two budding fourteen year olds.

"Aunt Olivia was wondering what's …?" Eileen stopped gasping at the sight of his eye. "What happened?"

Susan backed up her hands to her mouth.

"Mortar round." Ed said no more.

Elaine said in a cool manner. "Don't ask, girls he doesn't like to talk about it."

Looking at his jacket the younger girls fourteen and impressionable saw the three tier rows of ribbons and shooter medals and patches on the left sleeve.

"What are these, Ed?" Susan asked gesturing to the array of ribbons.

Ed explained in short detail what each award and decoration was for. Standing he balanced himself on the dresser Elaine took the jacket from the closet door turning the jacket around passing it to Ed the two girls saw the Ranger and Air Assault tabs on the right shoulder.

Elaine caught the sparkle in their young eyes. She helped him on with the jacket. Buttoning it up he placed the black beret on his head, nodded toward the door.

Ladies?"

The two ran down stairs ahead of Ed and Elaine the cane making its _thumping_ sound as they descended the stairs.

They could hear the music from a stereo system his Dad set up outside, the talking and laughter filtered in from outside.

Elaine felt his arms and back stiffen. "You alright, Ed?"

"Yeah. Tell you about it later, hone."

The girls waited by the back door for them.

Susan asked a frown wrinkling her young face. "Will Ed be all right, Elaine?"

She nodded. "Yes, just his nerves from the war."

That seemed to explain everything to them.

They stepped out the door, Ed stopped to shield his eyes from the late morning sun. His third cousin who was his age, Helen looked at him she could see the tape at the edges of the glasses and cane then the Ranger tab told her everything. Sucking her breath in Helen crossed the lawn to him. Looking at Elaine a second, Elaine nodded, Helen kissed him on the cheek. She knew how close they were, if they could have, they would have been married.

"You okay, Ed?"

He nodded bending down to her. "I'll be okay. I've reenlisted."

"Good for you." She touched Elaine's arm. She knew, her fiancé was a Marine and in Vietnam. She knew what it was like to worry about her man.

They made the rounds of the family uncles, cousins, aunts shaking his hand, kissing him, complimenting him on what he did. Olivia could no long tolerate seeing him with Elaine rudely bumped her aside to lead Ed around the group. Helen read the silent message loud and clear she didn't like Elaine taking Ed away from her. And now this incident with his eye tipped the cart. No one else missed the slight either.

"So what is the Army going to do to help you?" Darin his cousin who was in the National Guard.

"Next week, even though I am on leave I have to report to Walton Army Hospital at Fort Dix for treatment."

"Where are you being assigned or are you getting a discharge?" Jimmy asked handing his sister the empty beer can.

"Right now Fort Monmouth. What unit I don't know until I get there. I do know it will be a training command unit. Lovely, a DI without the hat."

For the cousins the burning question was, the awards and decorations. They knew what they were for but what did he do that he was awarded the military's third highest award?

Ed sat with his cousins and a few uncles talking military. Helen and Elaine sat to either side of him, the two younger girls, Eileen and Susan were at their beck and call, getting beers and sodas, the ever present hamburgers and hot dogs, and steaks. Elaine and Helen placed Ed at a table, Eileen getting the food for him as Steve Senior and Uncle Walt got everything ready on the grill.

"Tell you what, you girls are going to spoil me with all this attention."

"That's what we intend to do," said Susan as she set the plate in front of him.

Sunday afternoon Ed and Elaine sat in the dining room of the Clinton House in Clinton having a late breakfast.

"Brunch," said Ed as the waitress poured him another cup of coffee.

"Strong enough?" Elaine asked with a laugh watching him sample it.

The waitress watched curious as he tasted the coffee. "Does he like it strong?"

Elaine smiled. "What is your favorite saying, hone?"

Setting the cup down he said, "Strong enough to strip the paint off a five ton ammo carrier."

"Oh my god." The girl walked away from the table. "No sir, I'm afraid we don't make it that strong."

They couldn't help but laugh at the waitress' reaction.

4.

A person could have heard a pin hit the floor of the town's old General Store. Ed and Chris confronted each other at the door. An old class mate of Ed's, Maryann and her husband who now owned the store watched from across the breakfast counter to see what was going to happen next. Maryann remembered from school how "stuck" Ed was on Chris their senior year.

Lifting the sunglasses Ed heard a sharp gasp from Maryann. Ed was unable to see as she turned away from him burying her face in her husband's chest. Chris recoiled shocked by the sight.

"Hello, Chris nice of you to meet me at the airport last week," said Ed leaning against the magazine rack by the door twirling the sunglasses by the bow.

"I thought …" Chris started to say, unable to look at him. "I thought you were coming in next week. I was busy that day."

"Really. Too busy to take time to meet me I suppose." He pushed past her to the counter. Seated at the counter besides two other customers was Township Police Chief Bob "Smitty" Smith, an old friend of his father's and Elaine's father watching the two closely. "Hi, Smitty."

Smitty watched Chris bolt for the door. Maryann and her husband sighed in relief as the tense moment passed.

Late Tuesday Morning was the day of reckoning for Ed. Passing the main entrance on to Fort Dix he slowed to the posted speed limit following the direction signs to the hospital.

"Hasn't changed in three years," Ed said finding a parking place in the parking lot.

They parked and Elaine helped Ed inside and to the information board.

"Fourth floor," he said looking for the elevators.

He realized he was not the only veteran there that day. Every type of injury was being treated that day. Passing other patients in the corridor he felt lucky for his injuries seeing some made him wish he were somewhere else. They reached the floor the optometry surgical department was on. Elaine guided him to the desk.

"Yes, Sergeant?" the nurse at the desk said seeing why Ed was there.

"Sgt. Edward Hanson, optometrist."

She consulted her book. "Yes I have you down. Have a seat, the doctor will be with you shortly."

They did not have long to wait, a nurse lieutenant stepped out. "The doctor will see you now, Sergeant." Ed stood, the nurse quickly added, "Oh your wife can come in with you."

Ed looked down at Elaine and shrugged. She followed him into the examining room. Elaine sat to the side out of the way but so she could listen to them discuss the injury.

The doctor entered with quick strides. Pulled up a chair in front of Ed. He read over the notes looked in Ed's eye then said in a matter-of-fact tone, "Sliver from a mortar round. Okay take your jacket off and move over to this microscope, Sergeant."

The microscope was mounted on a perpendicular set of gimbals allowing the optometrist to examine the eye in more detail. He set the lights to shine in the eye at angles then holding the eye lid open he positioned the microscope aiming it at the eye. After several minutes he moved away from the instrument.

"The good news is, Sergeant all the slivers and debris were taken out and it appears clean in so far as no debris. Under the circumstances somebody did a good job. There's redness and puss or fluid will take some time to clear up but that is to be expected. The scaring will take more time to heal. The bad news is – where are you being stationed?"

"Fort Monmouth, sir."

"Good. Patterson Army Health Clinic. Major Wilson in the optometrist there. As soon as you get to your unit, here's a sick call slip to report to the clinic for the follow up. The bad news is the scaring. That will take time to heal you'll probably need glasses now. Your wife won't recognize you. You don't have a dog do you?"

Ed and Elaine shook their heads laughing. "No, sir." So far everyone presumed they were married.

"Good. You won't get bit on the leg when you walk through the door at night." He laughed at his own jokes.

Ed and Elaine walked out of the hospital to the car. They both had silly smiles.

"Wife. I guess you were just issued a wife, soldier." Elaine bumped Ed's hip.

Ed looked around to see if anyone were looking. He kissed her. "Thank you for caring, hone. My future wife."

"Yes." she kissed him again surprised by the remark. "And I take that as a proposal."

Standing back Ed held her for a minute nodding. "Yes. But I did have a more proper way I wanted to ask you. But yes I do want to marry you."

Elaine felt as though she were floating on a silver cloud the rest of the day.

He drove across post to his old training company to see if a certain DI were still assigned to the training company, Delta Company, 4th Battalion, 2nd Brigade.

The First Sergeant had to think a minute. Consulting a weekly training schedule, he said, "Sergeant Ramos will be on the bayonet range, Sergeant. Three years ago?"

"He was corporal at that time, First Sergeant."

"Well before my time."

"See if he's out there. You remember how to get out there?"

"Yes, First Sergeant."

Shortly they heard the rough singing of one hundred and fifty men – boys chanting. A company jogged by most of the group nearly gave themselves whiplash looking at Elaine. She felt a certain pride being with Ed as they walked out to the training area. Some forced themselves not to look back.

Shouting, cheering, and grunts and groans told them they were at the bayonet range. Standing on the edge of the range they watched until a Sergeant approached.

He looked at Ed with curiosity. "May I help you, Sergeant?"

Ed held his hand out to the Sergeant. "Hello, Sergeant Hanson. Is Sergeant Ramos here?"

"Yes do you want me to get him for you?" He glanced toward Elaine.

"Yes, please." The drill instructor turned to walk back to the training area to get Sergeant Ramos. They watched the trainees for a moment. Ed leaned over to Elaine, "I hate to tell them but that training is now the most out dated method of hand-to-hand combat."

"What do they do now?" she asked watching as the trainees drove the bayonets in to the targets.

"In Special Forces and Rangers it's used in hand-to-hand or infiltration. These kids are in for a rude awakening once they leave training for the field."

A sergeant crossed the field to them, a curious expression wrinkled his swart features.

"Yes?" he said as he stopped in front of them.

"Sgt Ramos. Then Private Hanson – Sgt Hanson. I wanted to stop by to say hi, and thank you for that kick in the ass three years ago."

Elaine raised a brow wondering what that was all about but said nothing. She would save it until later.

Sgt Ramos's eyes quickly scanned Hanson's uniform noting the Ranger patch and the awards and decorations for gallantry in combat.

"That's good. You've done well." But his burning curiosity got the best of him. "When did you go through Ranger training, Sergeant?"

Ed glanced at Elaine then said, "I didn't. It was awarded to me by the commander of the 75th Ranges for my work with them. I spent more time in the field on detached duty with them then I did with my assigned unit. I am a crypto analysis – supposed to be fixed station. Right? Wrong. Somebody forgot to add – at the needs of the Army. I spent more time pounding through the jungle than in an air conditioned commcenter. The Rangers needed a crypto operator and by the company alpha roster I was low man on the totem pole."

"So what did you have to do?"

"The Rangers had to be forward observers for the Air Force, spot the NVA's supply trains establish the TRP's when they got in the TRP's I was connected with USARV, they in turn patched me through to the B52 commander and talked them into the TRP and then the fun part – running with eighty-five pounds on your back, rifle and .45 and basic load because thirty seconds later the bombs were falling."

Looking down at the cane and sunglasses Sgt. Ramos pretty much guessed what happened to Ed after that. He excused himself to get back to the training. And to think he did not give the trainee much chance of succeeding. He succeeded where others would fail.

Elaine was silent and thoughtful on the walk back to the car. That brief account told her a lot. Ed did change a lot. He was no longer the kid who left home without a thought for the future beyond tomorrow. He now had a purpose in life.

Ed noted the changes to the post since he was there three years ago. The silence between them was heavy and thoughtful at the moment. They left Fort Dix driving back north taking Pennington Road along the Delaware River. Ed pulled off Pennington Road near Titusville on to Washington Crossing parallel to the Delaware driving up under the canopy of trees overlooking the water. Three other cars were parked in the parking area, a family strolling along the footpath enjoying a day out before the start of school and fall set in, senior citizens enjoying a peaceful day. Except for the occasional sound of passing cars, motorcycles, and trucks there was the blessed bliss of silence.

Leaning on the cane Ed stared fixedly at the languid waters of the river watching the geese and ducks searching for food. An occasional fish broke the surface to catch a water bug. Nearby in the trees birds chirped and sang to each other. Elaine gazed at him in the silence that was heavy between them. She tried to read his expression although it was as if it had been carved in granite.

Stirring himself he said, "Want to go for a walk along the river?"

"Sure." Elaine anticipated maybe the walk would do him good. He was getting stressed out by his mother getting after him because the two, in her mind were seeing too much of each other. Today people mistaken them for being married.

Hand in hand they walked down to the foot path strolling along the river. They stopped to watch several ducks diving for food others swimming around just enjoying themselves.

Ed gestured to the ducks and geese. "Right there hone is the sum total of life in a capsule, looking for enough food to sustain oneself for a day, relaxation where one can get it, and cap it all off with a good night's sleep and start all over again tomorrow. The same rut."

He led her to a bench. Sitting Ed put his arm around her, Elaine folding herself into his arms let the time slip by. However, she could no longer hold back the question that had been bothering her since he got home last week, now it was partly answered when Sergeant Ramos asked him about the Ranger and Air Assault tabs.

Looking out over the river not wanting to look directly at Ed, she said, "Hone can I ask you a serious question?"

"Sure." He continued to stare out over the waters. "You know what this reminds me of?" She shook her head. Knowing Ed like she did, it was either a joke or a serious comment. The set of his features told her it was a serious comment. "The Song Vam Co Dong River west toward the town of Go Dam Ha on the Cambodian border. If you can't read a map it'll be real easy to find yourself in Cambodia in that area. Just like the Delaware the Dong River for short can run deep and quiet or shallow and fast, like some people."

"Ed, what you were telling Sgt. Ramos did you do that – I mean work with the Rangers?"

Looking out over the river, Ed seemed to search his mind for the correct answer. He was not expecting her to ask the question the way she did. He knew the answer would be simple enough. "Yes."

Sitting up to gaze at him she said, "You were in `Nam, but you never said exactly what you did."

Looking out over the river he said, "I was …or have been trying to forget. Until now."

The two were silent a moment longer then Elaine asked in a serious tone: "Then may I ask you this – it's for my own peace of mind, Ed. What did you do over there?"

Ed turned to face Elaine. "I owe you that much." He kissed her hand, gently holding it he glanced back to the river drawing in a breath of the damp air from the water. "As you know I do crypto work – which I'm supposed to be a fixed station operator. At least that's the way the MOS reads, but the Army seemed to have forgotten about places like `Nam when the job listing was written."

Elaine glanced up at Ed, she could see he was thinking – or remembering something, the memory suppressed from a long time ago. On the one hand she regretted the question but as his cousin and future mate she reasoned she had a right to know. At first the words came haltingly. Elaine watched his expression change; gone was the happiness and joy, even after all that happened that weekend it evaporated in a few seconds.

Ed began softly, his voice distant as if he were in Vietnam again:

"Over the months I've tried to hold back the memories of `Nam: the stench of swampy river paddies, the angry snap of AK47 rounds, the crump of the mortars, the billowing red and yellow flames of exploding napalm, the sour smell of gunpowder and one million candle light flares from Spooky, the C130 lighting up the battle fields. Who can forget that?"

Ed stopped to take a shaking breath. It was more to settle his frayed nerves as he recalled all the times he was in the jungle. The first time a bullet zinged over his head, the first time he saw a man die, the first time he saw another bleed to death, the rattle of death in their throat.

In a quiet distant voice he continued, "No it's not something you want to remember, hone."

Gently kissing Elaine's hand again he drew in another deep breath. Elaine saw the sudden stress and strain contort Ed's face, the tears were they for lost friends? But he went on.

"As I said I was fixed station crypto on Long Binh. But that didn't exempt me from any field duty. I was low man on the totem pole so-to-speak at the time. I was 'chosen' if you want to call it that, more drafted for TDY to Company C, 75th Rangers out of Lie Kai. What I never understood, why the Rangers didn't or never had a crypto operator of their own. I was pulled from the commcenter at USAV Headquarters on Long Binh one day. A last minute decision; got my marching orders from the company commander and issued the backpack crypto gear fifteen minutes later – an RC32 pack with a PRC 25 radio and batteries; a helicopter from the Rangers came into our battalion area, picked me up, bag and baggage and I was whisked away to the Ranger base near the Cambodian border that quick."

Ed drew in a breath again as he recalled the missions the Rangers wanted him to be on with them. "A week working with the Rangers was like a month in my mind, one day was like another punctuated by fire fights or avoiding them where possible. I learned more in that week then eight weeks of basic."

He began again: "The country clubs so to speak were back in Saigon and Ben Hoa. I arrived at the Rangers fire support base late that afternoon. Got the rest of my marching orders when I reported in. A young lieutenant was in charge of the team or platoon. Damn smart, damn good. Laid the map in front of me and pointed out where the team would be going that night. Forget day time - night. They took the Mattel toy rifle, my M16 I was issued and gave me a sawed off M14, a mini-14 and .45 semi-automatic pistol with eighteen hundred rounds of basic load, seven point sixty-two ammunition and five forty-five clips a sixth with a round chambered in the weapon."

Ed glanced at Elaine to see if she was still giving him her undivided attention. She nodded. "I'm listening, Ed. Go on, hone."

Ed continued: "These kids now days whine and snivel about having to carry sixty plus pounds. Try seventy with ammo. I not only carried the rifle and pistol, but the radio, crypto gear, plus a full field pack, not those little measly things for good looks with everything but what you really needed. The guys helped me get ready, we relaxed as best we could then about dusk we loaded up on the slick and were gone westbound – Cambodia and the Ho Chi Minh Trail – a central branch. We rappelled through the tree canopy in on air assault – the first of many for me. Reconnaissance and stealth and report were our orders. The object was to talk the B52's in. A supply train would be trekking down the trail, the B52's would be on station we'd contact them with a special frequency at Long Binh at USAV headquarters that had direct contact with the bomber commander."

Ed stopped. Elaine lightly squeezed his hard hand that was always so gentle with her. "Go on, Ed – I'm listening."

Ed hesitated a minute breathing deeply, tears trickling down his face. Again as if he'd just run a long distance he went on after a couple minutes. Elaine watched the frown on his face and tears as he recalled the mission; tears trickled down her fair face as she watched Ed's face listening to the story.

"It was move, spot, call the bombers in and get the hell out of the neighborhood. Anyway, that week, in three days the NVA lost six supply trains. Command pulled us back and told the Rangers to lay low for a while. Seems the NVA were starting to figure out we had a team on the ground. The next day I was packed up and was sent back to Long Binh to my unit. I was given instructions to be ready to move at a moment's notice. I was on pins and needles for the rest of two weeks. The call came late in the afternoon: Report back to the 75th Rangers – Now. I was yanked from the commcenter, I had just enough time to get my gear, grab my Mattel toy and meet the chopper as it was landing. The skids weren't even on the ground thirty seconds and we were airborne.

"The El-Tee met me as we touched down at the LZ, the team was ready to go. Tell ya how fast we were moving. The Sergeant had me toss most of my stuff in to a jeep, to include the M16, somebody tossed me a Ruger Mini-14, with basic load. I took just what I needed and away we went on the same bird. The rotators didn't even stop spinning the whole time the bird was on the ground. This time it was a southern branch of the Ho Chi Minh Trail, south east of the Loc Ninh area.

"We did an air assault through the jungle canopy in to a clearing and moved out on foot for the next kay or so. We spotted the supply train just in time. The El-Tee had just enough time to call the coordinates in, pass the info and we had just enough time to get out of the AO. Bombs were dropping thirty seconds later. Try running with all that equipment and ammo. Ain't easy."

Ed was quiet for a few minutes as he looked across the river. Elaine was silent, reserving her own thoughts as Ed finally opened up to her. She thought, " _So that's where the air assault tab came from and the scars on his back."_ Ed told her more in that moment than he had in his letters to her.

"The slick couldn't come back in to do a hot LZ pick up. We had to wade across a branch of the main river that night. Three of us had to carry the radio and gear above our heads to clear the water. We made it to the other side, regrouped picked up a trail toward Tay Nhin and Twenty-fourth division."

Ed stopped to inhale as tears trickled down his face. He watched the gathering twilight of evening as lights along the river turned on. Lights from street lights and buildings shone on the river like strings of pearls. Elaine gripped his hand. "It's alright, sweet heart take your time. I'm here.

Ed choked. Pausing he looked at the western sun. Leaning over to kiss her on the cheek Ed closed his eyes to shut out the memory. Elaine wiped at her own tears knowing deep down this was taking a lot out him to even recall this incident even a short time ago.

"Anyway, our orders were to avoid contact. Trouble was the NVA and Cong were not told about our orders. Our point security man literally tripped over their guard who was sleeping. A wild free for all ensued for the next ten minutes. The group – them – was wiped out, we took two casualties. That's when a slick was finally dispatched to pull us out of the area.

"We were back at it the next day – minus the two men we could have used but there wasn't time for that luxury the next evening. This time we had to force march twenty kay into Indian Territory which took us most of the night taking our time and avoiding what turned out to be a couple ambush points. I called the info into headquarters and a couple F4 sorties finished the job.

"We crossed a branch of the Mekong north of Chu Chi. There's a section of the Mekong that passes through the Delta region into Cambodia about half the width of the Delaware. Crossing it can be a real hazard in day light. We laid up most of the night then about two o'clock the El-Tee had us move out again. We crossed the river back in to Cambodia and back to the main trail coming in from the central part of `Nam near the Parrots Beak and Tay Ninh. Seems command had their eye on this part for awhile.

"We reached the trail and AO about sun up going to ground an half hour before sun up and stayed put throughout the day. The supply trains were only moving at night now to avoid either us or air reconn.

"It was close to twenty hundred – I guess when the first supply train came along. The El-Tee already had the TRP or target reference point, figured out on the map, command had it, all I had to do was sign on the net, give the TRP, and we were on the move when the first bombs hit. We did that again on another site – once they were in the TRP, our job was done – get in, get out. Maybe it was one time too many for us. Our luck ran out on the way back across the river.

"The point security man tripped on the ambush. We immediately returned fire which accounted for the first three NVA. The Devil himself kicked open the back door of hell that night. The El-Tee grabbed the hand mike from me to call for TAC air. The F4's arrived on station – what a beautiful sight those F4's were. The Cong and NVA had us surrounded but they weren't counting on 1st Cav and the F4 sorties hitting them just about day break like a ton of bricks hitting the pavement. The NVA got careless and exposed themselves and that's when the first F4's nailed `em.

"A reaction team from 2nd of the 8th , 1st Cav hit them from the other side; we were in the middle, NVA in front of us, 2nd of the 8th Cav on the outside looking in. As I understood it, a company from 4th of the 39th Infantry, 9th Infantry Division was operating in the area; the 9th Division unit was diverted moving in. Alpha, 6th of the 31st , also from the 9th joined the fight about thirty minutes later. Two more Ranger platoons sealed the gauntlet. I was relayed through USARV to talk to the commander of the 4th Battalion bringing them in; the four elements had them boxed in from the east, north, and south. Gunships and Cobras from the Cav hosed the area; red and green tracers ripped the air between them and us. The choppers backed off and let the Air Force takeover for awhile; that was the VC and NVA's undoing. When the five hundred pounders fell on them, they musta thought the world was coming to an end for them."

Ed had to draw in another breath closing his eyes. After a minute of silence he stared at the river and cars on the Pennsylvania side he said in a strained voice, "One thing that you always remember, the smell of the air. After it was all over the air hung still and quiet, smelling of death. They thought they had it over us, revenge for their convoys. But we broke them yet again that day. We ended up with a few isolated pockets of resistance but they didn't last long. There were bodies everywhere. AK47's littered the ground. The earth was ripped, charred black and torn. The lush green jungle of yesterday was blackened and beaten to dust. A barren, scarred landscape greeted those of us who survived. The troopers were greeted by an arm, a finger, a half-buried body spoke of our fire power that was brought to bear on them. Troopers from the 39th and 8th moved through the still-smoking enemy positions. If memory serves me right the VC had over a hundred dead, five or so WIA which were captured to our own five WIA including me. KIA … Anyway out of the two reinforcing units I'm not sure. The scene was described as something out of a 'Day After' movie."

Falling silent again Ed stared across the river at the gathering dusk.

Elaine finally broke the silence, "Dave, let me ask you this then I imagine that it has effected you a lot, hasn't it?"

Elaine knew it wasn't a sound question but one she needed to ask for her own sake.

Thinking a minute Ed's face clouded over. Elaine waited watching his expression. Ed nodded, his voice far away yet hard as he recalled that day as if yesterday. "Yes. No one understands unless they have been there and done that. The questions never go away. You see the faces of the dead and live with those images every day. Nothing changes."

Gripping his hand Elaine had yet another question answered. Nevertheless, Elaine had many but she knew he'd answer them in his own good time. There was nothing to hide, just the bad memories of a horrible time.

Looking west Ed was able to make out the sunset, the clouds of early evening turning the sky to a caramel color hanging over the west sky. The light reflected off the river in melancholy shades of yellow, silver with blue-black, a canoe club passed their eyrie on their way south toward Trenton or Camden.

Ed stared at the sunset appearing deep in thought. Over the course of his young life Ed had seen too many sun sets which were hard to describe even to Elaine and he wanted so hard to bring one to life for her.

"A caramel colored sunset," he said breaking the silence. "The one sunset from long ago that sticks in my mind was a sunset that was blood red with bands of black resting in layers of clouds over the horizon, it was almost scary as it was over the gun sights of an M-sixty machine gun we had." Closing his eyes he listened to the brief sound of silence.

Elaine watched him for a moment her heart cried for him that evening.

Opening his eyes he said in a strained voice, "One thing that you always remember, the smell of the air. After it was all over the air hung still and quiet, smelling of death. They thought they had it over us, revenge for their convoys. But we broke them yet again that day. We ended up with a few isolated pockets of resistance but they didn't last long. There were bodies everywhere. AK47's littered the ground. The earth was ripped, charred black and torn. The lush green jungle of yesterday was blackened and beaten to dust. A barren, scarred landscape greeted those of us who survived. The troopers were greeted by an arm, a finger, a half-buried body spoke of our fire power that was brought to bear on them. Troopers from the 39th and 8th moved through the still-smoking enemy positions. If memory serves me right the VC had over a hundred dead, five or so WIA which were captured to our own five WIA including me. KIA … Anyway out of the two reinforcing units I'm not sure. The scene was described as something out of a 'Day After' movie."

Falling silent again Ed stared across the river into the gathering dusk.

She could only guess that most of the Ranger team was wiped out in the fire fight. Elaine gripped his hand in hers. She heard the term, survivor's remorse she had a feeling that could be effecting Ed something Chris would never be able to deal with.

Ed looked over at Elaine with a sad expression that broke her heart. He had been through more hell than any man she knew. She regretted what she had done before. She was now learning what kind of man Ed was and the man she may one day marry despite what the families thought. His nerves were gone and he did not even know it.

Ed asked: "How about supper. When we pulled in I saw a place called the Patriot's Inn. On the corner coming in here."

Despite the story for his sake she cheered up. "Fantastic. We haven't had a true date since high school."

Forcing a grin, Ed said, "Great. We'll talk about something else."

The rest of the story was left incomplete like an incomplete mystery novel. What really happened that day on the border with Cambodia? She felt like an investigative reporter tracking a crime case.

5.

It was past nine when Ed stepped through the door. Olivia was darning socks and watching a movie, Dad was passed out in his easy chair.

"Where have you been?" Olivia demanded not looking up as he stood at the foot of the stairs.

Huh? "I was at Walton Army Hospital, Fort Dix. Why?"

"I suppose you had Elaine with you," she said almost assuming what he would say next.

"I had to have someone with me in case the doctor dilated my eyes," he argued.

"And you had to have Elaine with you?" She cut the thread tossing the sock into the mended pile and pulled another out of the basket of ones to be sewn.

"Who? Everyone I know works." He stopped in mid-thought. "Wait a minute, Mom since when do I have to answer to you about this. We're both over eighteen, if you haven't noticed I just returned from a tour of combat and she's in college."

"I told you why," she hissed, "What are you going to do if she gets pregnant?"

Ed wanted to laugh. "Can you say 'birth control pill,' Mom?"

"Don't you get smart with me, boy!" she barked. "I'll talk to Aunt Miriam tomorrow."

"Good night, Mom."

Ed was sitting up in bed reading a training manual not sure how long it was but it did not surprise him when there was a knock at the door.

"Open," he called putting the training manual aside. He knew he'd be due the Skill Qualification Test (SQT) soon.

The door opened. His father slipped in.

"Not disturbing you am I?" He saw the green cover and Skill Qualification Test across the cover and MOS number.

"No just studying for the SQT that's coming up. A lot of good it did me pounding though a jungle dodging Chuck and Company and their buddies. What do you need?"

Ed Senior laughed at the twist of words from his son. "Well Mom woke me up ragging on you about Elaine again. Look, I am not going to be one to judge you or tell you what to do. She tries now that you're home, especially with your being stationed at Fort Monmouth. Elaine's still in school at Princeton, isn't she?"

"Yes."

"What are you going to do? If you don't mind my asking?"

"What took us so long tonight, we found an apartment between Princeton and Fort Monmouth. We discussed this over supper and went apartment shopping and found a place – fully furnished we can move into this weekend."

"I guess I don't have to remind you of the responsibilities that go with this decision of yours?"

"We've already discussed it, Dad. She still has school and I at least another four more years of the Army and possible reenlistment to consider."

"It was hard enough when Uncle Walt and I were in the Army – and just married then three years later wars over and got out. Then we had to pick up the pieces where we left off. Now it's your turn and time to have a family, and make your own home. Just don't let each other down. Good night."

6.

Boxes, duffle bags, suit cases, bags, and baskets were stacked around the room. Elaine and Ed occupied their first apartment together. They stood on the small balcony like lord and lady surveying their domain. This would be their plum of life to pluck and relish.

But Elaine had one thing to tell Ed. Unsure how to tell him she finally said, "I understand according to my Dad, my Mom had a talk with your Mom. My Mom told your Mom to butt out of our business."

Smiling Ed held Elaine close in his arms, his arms wrapped around her slender waist savoring the heady bouquet of her hair. The picture he had was too visual. "Then what happened?"

"They're not talking to each other,"

"Tell your Mom thank you and I owe her a kiss."

"Gotcha!" Elaine turned around in his arms to give him a kiss.

# # #


End file.
